Friday, October 2, 2009
Father and Son
In the beginning the relationship I had with my father was in a sense nonexistent. You see, my father had a very high profile position at Warner Brothers in Burbank. This required him to leave home very early in the morning. When he would come home the last thing he wanted to do was talk about the problems the rest of the family was having. This made our relationship more of a business type instead of a classic father son type. You also have to understand my dad is extremely intellectual. He had an answer for everything but followed his answer with a though provoking question. Growing up, this was a very daunting task, knowing that this is the standard that I would be measured by. This made communication very rare, even thought he never gave me reason, I feared communication with him. Maybe it was the prospect of asking a less than academic question or maybe it was not having an answer to a question that he would pose. This was obviously while he was working. My dad retired at age fifty. Our communication instantly changed. When I woke up he was always in the kitchen drinking his cup of coffee and reading the L.A. Times. He was accessible and suddenly interested. He wanted to know how baseball was going for me. He had only seen a handful of games over my twenty year career. Maybe he was guilty for time lost, maybe he was just finally stress free. All I know is through communication our relationship became solid. Granted, things like baseball games or even movies together were rare, we have something more. Through communication he became the professor of life for me. Now I look forward to waking up to discuss recent political events or just ponder life with him. Though we had our communication barriers when I was younger, they are now no where in sight and have no hint of ever returning. This is how I feel communication took a potentially disastrous relationship between a father and a son and turned it into one of the most positive learning environments one could ever hope for. I hope everyone can experience a great relationship with a family member like I have. I encourage everyone to open the lines of communication up, do not be shy or bashful, you will regret it in the end, I know I would have.
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What a very nice thought provoking post. I can understand the problems that you might have had communicating with your father in the beginning. I can also see your dad's plight. As a working mother of two children and going to school it can be a great challenge finding time for everything. Most often than not after a long day at work I am not up for the problems the kids want to share with me when I get home. Just because a parent is exhausted from work and does not have much time to communicate with you does not mean that they do not love or care about you. I am glad that you and your father got your relationship straightened out in the end. My kids are grown now one is attending Antelope Valley College and majoring in Computer Information Science, and the other has made me the grandmother of two lovely grandchildren. I have more time to spend with my family now that I am older and am enjoying every minute of it. I love to rush over after work and see my grandchildren and how excited they are to see me.
ReplyDeleteThe one thing that I do know is parents do want to be there for their children. Because of the way society is today and the economy being like it is both parents are usually forced to work outside the home and unfortunately for us the children seem to do most of the suffering because of it. They are robbed of quality time spent with their parents.
I really enjoyed reading your blog, it brought back many similar experiences with my childhood. I'm glad you and your father have had some to catch up and enjoy each others company. As a child I too had a father who worked long hours, he had to commute, so he'd be out the door at 5am and be home around 7. So when he'd walk in the door the only thing he was intersted in was food and the Laker game. Sure we talked on the weekend, but like your experience with your father it felt like a business type relationship. This went on for years, he'd try his best to be there for my brother and I, but in his eyes, his job is the provider and to take care of his family. So I understood and respected that.
ReplyDeleteOne day though my father lost his job due to job cuts. Suddenly he was home everyday, it was like a blessing in disguise for me because now I got my dad back. He'd take me to school, pick me up from basketball practice and generally take an interest in my everyday life. We'd talk about life, and I've learned so many lessons from him and continue to do so to this day. In hindsight I'm glad he was out of work for the short months, even though it was stressful on him, it was good for my brothers and I to be closer to our father. I wouldn't give it up for anything.
Really good post, you know I always say no regrets , don’t waste time because life is so precious. I mean I lost both my parents before I ever turned 21 and I would give anything to go back and communicate with them better. I fully understand what you were saying, my parents both worked in the Aerospace industry and had pretty classified jobs that kept them very busy. Why busy is good because busy pays the bills, busy doesn’t buy you more time with your families. It is easy to get caught up in working because so many people think providing for your child is simply a financial task, when in fact its far more emotional. I am happy to hear that your relationship has changed, and your still young enough to enjoy your relationship with him. Its also nice to see that you do not hold any animosity agents him for working so much. I think its funny how you mentioned that when you were younger your father would always end with a question; my friends dad whom I have grown very close with also does that. It always feels like a test, its not and they mean no harm by it but it still makes me nervous like what if my answer isnt what he wanted. Then I realized its just his way of continuing the conversation =)
ReplyDeleteI can feel you on this one because I had a very similar relationship with my father with being the 7th of eight kids it was like our communication was non existence and myself yearned for that communication. Time changes everything even if you were abused in any way there is always room to make the relationship better if you two people want it to work bad enough. Granted part of the reason i did not communicate with my father was that he was abusive as well but over time i was able to forgive and we have a pretty good relationship right now. I can understand when you say you were fearful of communication with him and that was the same way with me. When you have something that's challenging and exciting fear is the natural first reaction that we have. When we get over that fear we realize there was nothing to be afraid of in the first place.
ReplyDeleteI enjoy reading your blog, I believe that it is very important to give your parents another try on getting to know you for who you really are. Your dad does feel guilty for missing all the time with you because of his work, at least now he is trying and making up for all the times. I too use to have problems with my parents, they are in their early sixties and are still working. With our huge age differences it was difficult for my parents to understand me. At one point I think that every child fears talking to their parents so you were in the same boats as others. That is wonderful how you turned a family challenge and made it a learning experiences. It is an eye opener to others on how you viewed the situation. Many people would rebel and probably turned against their parents and resent them. Again your blog was very interesting to read and I really enjoyed it.
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